Boundaries in a relationship

Control freaks beware!

We all make boundaries in relationships and they can often work well for us. We know what we can except and will tolerate from our partners. It is our self-protection and can stop us getting hurt.

Relationship boundaries very dramatically from person to person and can be big or small.

Examples of big boundaries – You will not accept your lover:

• Having an affair
• Using drugs
• Hitting or abusing you
• Going to prison
• Hurting your children

These big boundaries are what to you would cause the end of a relationship.

Then there are the smaller boundaries

Examples of smaller boundaries:

• Certain places you do not want them to go to
• Friends you do not approve of
• Actions you want them to do daily
• Even food you do or do not want them to eat 

Again, the smaller boundaries are there to protect you but are fear based. You fear that if your partner does step over your smaller boundaries it will lead to the bigger boundaries failing.

Not only do you have your set of boundaries, so does your partner have theirs. Unfortunately they may not all mesh with yours. Some you may have mutually built others may not mesh with yours. This conflict of boundaries not meshing usually falls within the ‘smaller’ more personal bounderies and often leads to relationships failing.

Your partner often feels like you are trying to control them and that you acting like a control freak. 

 Perhaps they have already broken off the relationship for that very reason. Perhaps they are thinking about breaking  up with you. People hate to feel controlled.

An important thing to remember is that you can and perhaps should be somewhat flexible with your smaller boundaries.

If your partner wants to do something that may feel scary to you but falls within your smaller boundaries now is the time to talk about it with them. Talk with them before you put your foot down. Try to listen and understand why they want to do it. More importantly assess how you will really feel if it happened.

• Do you trust them enough?
• Are they trustworthy?
• Have they broken your trust in the past – maybe this caused you to have this personal boundary in the first place.
•  How long ago was your trust broken? Days – then maybe it will be broken again.  Years – then perhaps it is time to trust again.

Your smaller boundaries may always be there but allow yourself to be flexible and if you feel it is appropriate move your boundary line to help mesh with your partners.

Try not to control your partner – find the balance that will keep you both happy.

If your relationship has already failed or you feel it is heading that way there is a lot of information available to get you on the right track again. A great place to start would be to read Second Chance At Romance where you will find lots of  Free information showing you how to make your relationship even stronger and get your lover back in your life.

If you and your partner have split up and you want them back then NOW is the time to take action. Find out the proven way to get them back. Second Chance At Romance - Before it is too late.